Wanted: New Friend (Must work for airline)

I feel like plane ticket prices keep going up and you get less and less for your money. 

On American Airlines to and from LAX in economy you don't even get peanuts!  That is bullshit.  That flight isn't short.  Plus, I refuse to spend $10 to get 3 Pringles.  To add insult to injury I could smell them baking cookies for the people in first class.  I nearly lost my mind.  Boyfriend witnessed me take a very big step towards madness.  I thought I was going to turn into the Hulk, bust into first class, backhand the flight attendant, then stuff every single cookie into my mouth. 

With this experience fresh in my mind I wondered how much more it would cost to fly at least business class when we go to Scotland next year.  It costs 3 times as much! There is no way I'm paying that much extra money.  They would have to do a lot more than bake cookies for that to be worth it.

My new solution is making best friends with someone that works for an airline.  Then they can give me the hook-up and I can fly in freshly baked cookie bliss.  No shirt ripping or backhanding necessary.